


While You Were Making Other Plans

by mage_989



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 15:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7320748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mage_989/pseuds/mage_989
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-The Undiscovered Country.  Jim faces retirement by running away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	While You Were Making Other Plans

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by _In the Autumn Mist_ by Lyrastar where Jim leaves Spock for Antonia.

“He was the kind of man who loved so unselfishly.  
And everyone could see what a prize he was,  
everyone but me.”  
-Trisha Yearwood, There Goes My Baby

 

Spock let his head drop against the living room window of their home as Jim talked behind him.

“She met with me the other day, talked about breeding and raising horses together in Vermont…and I’m going to go.”

“It would be difficult to balance that with diplomatic work,” Spock said after a moment’s hesitation.

“I know and that’s why I don’t want you coming with me.”

And just like that a twenty year marriage was over.

In many ways Spock had been expecting it. For Jim life had always involved his ship, his place in the Captain’s chair. When they had been grounded Jim had practically shut down. When the opportunity had presented itself for one last adventure with the Klingon peace conference Spock had jumped on the chance to see that spark in Jim’s eyes one more time. With his growing interest in diplomacy intertwined with that mission Spock had thought, had hoped even, that Jim would see that they could still work together. That there could be life after retirement, that they could still have a future beyond the Enterprise. Now he knew it was not to be.

Jim came over to Spock and put his hands on his shoulders.

“Spock, this has…well it does have to do with you, but it’s not anything you’ve done or said. It’s just that we’re different. When I was young that didn’t matter, but now…”

Jim slowly turned Spock to face him, running his hands over hair that was still black as the day they had first met on the Enterprise when he had taken over as her captain.

“You’ll live longer than me, Spock, we both know that. You have so much life left to live, you’re ready to start a whole new career, and I-I can’t be here to watch it…When you have more days behind than in front of you you’ll understand what I’m going through, but when that day comes I’ll be long gone and I..I can’t face that. I need some time to think about everything, figure myself out.”

Spock let his eyebrow rise up. “Yet you seek that with another.”

“It’s just a change, Spock; something totally different. I mean I haven’t even been around horses since we sold my old cabin. I can go out there and chop wood, bail hay, get back to nature, it’s rural simplicity.”

“Will you be happy, Jim? It is all I wish for you.”

“I really think I will be.”

Spock nodded in defeat.

“When?” he asked.

“I told her to meet me at the transport shuttle first thing tomorrow.”

Spock responded then, kissing Jim hard and wrapping his arms around him.

“Spock, I’ll still have to go in the morning,” Jim said, his words ghosting over Spock’s face.

Spock pulled back, looking at his t’hy’la, his only love.

“If she is to have you for the rest of your years then I want tonight.”

Spock had taken him to their bedroom for the last time. He rested on top of Jim, tracing every line, running his hands along curves where fat had overtaken muscle. Committing everything that made Jim, Jim to memory once more as their clothes fell to the floor. Kissing and licking every piece of skin he could reach to please his husband, to be enough for him. In the end though he gave up control and let Jim inside him, bucking his hips against the bed as they rocked in one motion together.

He cried out Jim’s name as his lover’s seed filled him, and then pulled Jim tightly against him when they were finished, and buried his face in his pillow to hide the tears.

Jim forced himself up early the next morning and left while Spock slept on, seeking that change, that new dream on the horizon.

***

So, he had gone. Gone off to greener pastures…well you know what they say about the grass looking greener on the other side.

For all that he had whined about needing a change Jim missed Spock terribly. He missed how they didn’t bump into one another when making breakfast in the kitchen. He missed how Spock would wake him up sometimes to watch the sun come up, before curling his arm around his waist and letting Jim fall back to sleep. He missed how sitting in a comfortable silence reading books in the living room was actually comfortable.

He and Antonia had made it three months before an argument that involved love, commitment, and a hairdryer being flung at a wall had sent him packing. Afterwards he spent some time traveling around Europe, hoping that might help his sense of restlessness. But again all he was reminded of was Spock. Of all the places they talked about traveling to one day. Now they had time to do that and what had Jim done? Run away from it all to ‘find himself’. Well he had found himself all right, as a coward who when faced with an unpleasant situation had thrown up his hands in defeat instead of looking for all the good things in his new normal. How he and Spock could have done things together and not worried about being pulled apart by duty. Yes, there had been issues to work on, but being away from someone who had so much live left to live and knew what he wanted from retirement didn’t make them magically go away.

Jim mentally kicked himself once again. He couldn’t believe he had thrown away the best thing he had ever had, and for what? A fleeting feeling of lust and longing? He was fifty-nine years old for gods sakes! Life was supposed to have beaten the stupid out of him by now!

So, nearly a year later he was back in San Francisco. Well actually it had been seven months three weeks and five days since he left, Jim thought Spock would be proud that he remembered it so precisely. He had not contacted Spock though. He knew he had no right to go crawling back to him after what he had said, what he had done. So, he stayed away and had actually been looking at an advertisement for a dating service, when the call had come in.

Jim stared at the hospital floor, it was reminding him of the white walls of the engine room. Of Spock’s final words and his body slumped against the glass.

Fighting back tears Jim glanced up for a moment to look at the rest of the waiting room. Chekov was checking his communicator for the twelfth time in an hour, even though you weren’t supposed to have those on in here, ready for the moment Sulu called to tell him his ship was back and to come pick him up. In the far corner Uhura was in one of the public communication booths yelling at someone on the other end. Jim could hear her saying that she didn’t care that the _Jenolen_ was leaving spacedock any moment now, she was going to talk to Montgomery Scott if she had to do it by telegraph. He had forgotten that Scotty was retiring off-planet. He had forgotten that Sulu had to do his first two missions alone before being able to take Chekov as his first officer.

He had forgotten that in life there were no guarantees.

A freak collision of a food transport with a pedestrian walkway had been cruel enough to remind him of that.

To remind him that just because Spock had the ability to live longer than he did didn’t mean that he would. Jim had been so certain that he would never see Spock’s last days, even though he had once before, and he might be seeing them again right now; his last minutes in fact. That any moment now the doctor would come out and say that he was gone and Jim hadn’t told him that he still-

Jim’s thoughts were stopped when the emergency doors opened up and Doctor McCoy, junior, came up to them. Her hair was falling out of her ponytail and her uniform was stained with sweat.

Chekov let his communicator drop to the floor as he shot up from his chair and hugged Joanna.

“How is he?” he asked her.

“He’s stable for the moment, but he is still in intensive care and the next few hours will be critical. With that, and the other casualties in mind, I can’t allow you to see him at this time. I’m sorry.”

With that announcement they knew there was nothing more they could do tonight. Minutes later Chekov got the call from Sulu and offered Uhura a ride with him to pick up Scotty. She accepted and Jim found himself alone once more. With one long look to the doors that led to intensive care Jim left the hospital. He walked for a solid hour and had meant to go check back into his hotel, but he looked up to see that his feet had carried him back to their-to Spock’s home.

He keyed in his code and held his breath until the door slid open. Spock hadn’t changed the lock.

Cautiously Jim went inside and looked around. He saw that some of their old antiques had been moved around, but were still present. As he traced his hands over the coats in the front hall, some of his were still there, he recognized Bones’ jacket in the closet. So, Spock was moving on after all. That, that was good Jim told himself, Spock had every right to do it. Still, Jim couldn’t bring himself to leave the place that had once been his home. He walked further inside, moving his hand along the crystal display case where their medals and trophies rested. Their working life reduced to metal and glass. The scent of Jasmine and a Vulcan spice Jim could never pronounce filled the air in the bedroom where Spock’s meditation items sat out.

Jim leaned against the door frame as the tears he had fought down at the hospital suddenly spilled down his cheeks. Oh god, what would he do if Spock didn’t make it? There were so many things to sort through. How would he ever tell Sarek and Amanda? And-and he hadn’t been there to take Spock’s katra as was his duty. Jim quickly wiped his face with sleeve and tried to think positively. Of course Spock would be all right. Spock was a fighter, the strongest man Jim had ever known, he had to make it.

Slowly Jim pulled himself together and continued exploring the house. Surprisingly it wasn’t their old bedroom that really broke Jim down. It was the room next to it that made Jim gasp as he stepped over the threshold. The guest room had been cleared out. The double bed was gone, and in its place was a plain white dresser. Soft white curtains now adorned the window, and there were building instructions for a crib unfolded on the floor.

It was clearly being made into a nursery.

The walls had been painted a soft peach colour. There was a half-finished mural on the ceiling. The mural depicted several star constellations, and in the centre was a stencil of the Enterprise. With his jaw hanging open Jim looked over the boxes holding assorted baby items. Jim hadn’t expected Spock to move on like this, to adopt a child. It wasn’t possible that the child that was coming here to this room was biologically Spock’s. Spock had always told him the odds of conception for him were low enough to be non-existent and they had accepted that children would not be a part of their relationship. But now Spock was going to be a father.

In shock Jim backed out of the room and stumbled onto the couch in the living room. As he sat there breathing hard he noticed many things that he had missed on his trip through the first time. There was a blanket and pillow folded on the end of the couch. Someone had been sleeping over. Stacked on the coffee table were several books on pregnancy, and child development. In Spock’s steady cursive there were notes comparing milestones of a human and Vulcan child during the first year. And…

And sitting on the end table to his left was an ultrasound photo. In the corner was a date, for three weeks ago, and the age of the foetus printed in white letters: seven months.

_Oh, god no._

***

Still wearing the clothes from the day before Jim showed up at the hospital the moment visiting hours started, with blood-shot eyes and determined to fix what he had broken.

The man running the reception area had put him in a small side room, and after sitting in a chair for maybe fifteen minutes the door slid back. Doctor McCoy came in and Jim could tell he hadn’t slept either. With the amount of casualties that had come in it was no surprise that they had called in doctors who didn’t work at the hospital. But as he glared at Jim and then turned his back to him to glare out the window Jim really wished it was Joanna who had come in instead.

“Bones, I'm-"

“You’re a goddamn asshole, Jim, that’s what you are.”

“I never meant for this to happen…I-I want to make it up to him, to fix this; he’s pregnant.”

McCoy snorted. “So, now you want to stay for the kid? And they say 20th century chivalry is dead.”

Jim jumped up from his chair.

“Dammit, Bones! You don’t need to bite my head off! I know I-”

McCoy whirled around, blue eyes blazing and one hand thrown up to silence Jim.

“No! No, Jim, you don’t get to be the hurt one in this mess. You left him! It doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean to hurt him, the fact is you did. And I’ve been spending these last months trying to help him pick up the pieces! And-and when he found out about the baby…” McCoy rubbed a hand over his face. “It was all I could do not to tell him the news while utterly plastered.”

McCoy downed the last of the coffee he had brought in with him.

“You know he was actually happy when I told him, said it gave him a goal for a life without you," he said as he raked a hand through his greying hair.

“This would be so much easier if he hated you, so I could tell you to leave and never come back; and if I didn’t know exactly what you were going through. You aren’t the first person to go through a mid-life crisis, Jim, and you won’t be the last. What I really hoped you learned from this is that running away doesn’t change anything.”

“I know that now.”

“Good.”

With that McCoy crossed the room and hugged him.

“I’ve missed you, Jim.”

Jim hugged him back. “I’ve missed you too, Bones. And I’m so sorry. Sorry I didn’t tell you that I left or that I came back. You’re right I’ve been a real asshole to you, and the crew, and especially Spock.”

McCoy sighed again. “He still loves you, you know. That’s half the reason he continued the pregnancy. He wanted to have that final reminder of the best thing he had ever had he said.”

Jim pulled back and looked at his old friend.

“Let me see him, Bones. Let me be there for him.”

McCoy looked at Jim hard for a moment before finally relenting.

“You get ten minutes, and don’t think I won’t be monitoring you.”

With that McCoy took Jim to Spock’s room. Jim didn’t hold back the tears as he looked at his former lover. The accident had left cuts and bruises on his arms and face, but it wasn’t that that overwhelmed him. Spock had always been so thin, but now his stomach was full and rounded, heavy with the new life he carried. His face was fuller too, Jim could tell even with the bandage on his forehead and on one cheek.

Jim moved towards him in awe and had only taken two steps into the room when Spock opened his eyes.

“Jim?”

Jim rushed over and took his hand.

“I’m here, Spock, I'm here.”

Spock blinked as his mind sorted through what was happening.

“You have…I-I was truly not expecting you.”

“I know,” Jim said, and couldn’t help but glance down at Spock’s stomach again.

Spock noticed his gaze and looked away.

“I didn’t believe it appropriate to contact you.”

Jim nodded. “I know,” he said again, “and I don’t blame you. Not after what I did. I’m not even mad, I’m just surprised. You always said the odds were so low.”

Spock looked at Jim again.

“You do have a proven track record for beating odds.”

Jim actually cracked a smile at that and reached his hand out.

"May I?”

“Of course.”

Jim moved in and gently rubbed Spock’s stomach.

“How-how have you been doing?”

“I am well under the circumstances. The pregnancy has been quite normal, and the accident does not appear to have caused any permanent damage… Doctor McCoy has been most invaluable during all this.”

“I’m so glad he’s been here for you,” Jim said, gently moving his fingers across Spock’s.

“Jim-“

Spock never finished as his eyes suddenly rolled back and the machines started blaring.

The next few moments passed in a blur of medical uniforms, screaming machines, and then Jim found himself in the eerie calm of the hallway once again. When the shock wore off enough for him to remember how to move he called the rest of their old crew.

They were back in the waiting room, and in a weird way it was like being back on the Enterprise again. Scotty arguing with receptionist over the design of the waiting room chairs to have something to do. Chekov and Sulu sitting side by side just as they had the bridge for so many years. And Uhura was in the communication booth again, calling everyone else they could think of. Janice Rand had shown up at some point and was shoving coffee and sandwiches into their hands trying to get them to eat.

Late in the afternoon Joanna and McCoy came out to talk to them. Both of were looking ready to fall asleep on their feet, but they were smiling.

“They’re all right,” Joanna said, leaning against her father.

“We had to perform a C-section, but both of them are going to pull through. It’s a boy.”

There was silence for a second before the group erupted into cheers, grabbing each other into hugs and shaking Jim’s hand until he felt like it was going to fall off.

“We-We will go finish the room,” Chekov said, when they had calmed down, keeping his hand around Sulu’s.

“Scotty, would you want to help us?” Sulu asked.

“Of course, lads,” Scotty answered, and they made for the parking lot.

Uhura stayed behind for a moment.

“Jim, please let him know we’re all thinking of him, and that we’re so happy for him.”

“Of course, Uhura.”

She hugged him tightly one more time, and then she and Janice ran after the boys.

Jim turned to McCoy

“Bones, can I…?”

“He won’t be awake for a while, Jim, and he’ll probably be really groggy when he is, but you can go sit with him.”

***

Jim sat with Spock well into the evening, only moving to eat the tray of food the nurses brought in. He tensed in the chair after finishing his small meal as Spock’s eyelids fluttered open. Jim shoved the tray aside and bolted to the bed. He sat down on it, gathering Spock into his arms, running his fingers along his face and arms, where the newly healing bruises and patches of regenerated skin rested.

“I could have lost you.”

Spock curled himself up in Jim’s embrace; in arms he didn’t think he would feel again. Breathing in Jim’s scent that he had believed lost to the winds. After a few minutes though the drowsy feeling of the drugs wore off and Spock went ridged as he came back to himself, his hands flying to his decidedly flatter stomach.

“Jim! The baby-"

Jim put his hands on either side of Spock’s face, letting their eyes lock onto each other.

“It’s all right, Spock, calm down. He’s just fine. Bones is going to bring him to you soon.”

“It is a boy?”

Jim blinked.

“You didn’t know?”

“No, I had deliberately blocked that information while the parental bond was forming.”

The conversation stopped suddenly as they heard sounds from the hallway. Both men turned their heads towards the door as McCoy came in with a small crying bundle in his arms.

“He wants you,” McCoy whispered, and carefully handed the baby to Spock.

That seemed to be true as the baby quieted in Spock’s arms and his parents took in his hazel eyes and wisps of dark brown hair.

“Life will be so different with you here, little one,” Spock said.

Jim smiled through his tears. “Sometimes different is good,” he whispered.

Spock stiffened.

“Jim, when I said I wished for your happiness it was true, but…but I want you here.”

Jim slipped one arm around Spock shoulders and squeezed him tightly.

“I want to be here, Spock, if you’ll still have me.”

“Always.”

Jim sighed. “You are always so forgiving, Spock, and I don’t deserve it. I left you with the flimsiest excuse in the galaxy, all for my selfish desires. As if my need to find myself was the only thing that mattered. I’m so sorry I ever said those things, Spock, and I’m going to spend all the days I have in front of me making it up to you.”

Spock tilted his head up, kissing Jim on his cheek.

“I look forward to it.”

“Have-have you thought of a name?” Jim asked suddenly.

Spock traced his fingers over their son’s curved eyebrows and round ears. He leaned down, pressing his forehead against his son’s and whispering softly.

“Leonard. I wish to call him Leonard.”

Jim smiled at the sound of clattering metal as McCoy dropped something in shock.

“Leonard it is.”

The End


End file.
